HUMOR
ShareFunny, without being mean.
A good joke costs something. The internet mostly serves cheap ones, mean ones, or both. The Scroll pulls satire, essays, and comic writing that actually lands: writers who earn the laugh by noticing something true, not by punching down for engagement. Pieces you would forward to a friend without flinching.
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California DMV Worker Requests Interpreter To Assist Customer Who Speaks English
CHULA VISTA, CA — A worker at the California Department of Motor Vehicles requested an interpreter to help translate for a helpless minority customer who came in only speaking English.
babylonbee.com
Pentagon unveils technology to hide fat generals from Hegseth
New augmented reality system automatically renders senior officers “within standards”
duffelblog.com
To Fight Antisemitism, Mamdani Announces Mandatory 'Safety Camps' For Jewish Residents
NEW YORK, NY — Mayor Zoran Mamdani already made good on his pledge to combat antisemitism, as on Thursday he introduced mandatory "safety camps" for Jewish residents.
babylonbee.com
ICE says Americans have no reason to worry about its new MQ-9 Reapers
Officials describe drones as “community-oriented aerial law enforcement”
duffelblog.com
Man Who Took Nation's Constitutional Rights Claims Protection By Constitutional Right
WASHINGTON, D.C. — A man known best for taking away the Constitutional rights of Americans spent the morning claiming protection under his Constitutional rights as an American.
babylonbee.com
8 Questions Husbands Should Always Plead The 5th To
KingdomCare was created to connect Christian babysitters with Christian families who are in need of like-minded care for their children. We are here to provide a wonderful opportunity for you to help build a community of faith-based childcare resources for parents and sitters.
babylonbee.com
Church Replaces Weekly Offering With 50/50 Raffle
YAZOO CITY, MS — In an effort to drum up more excitement and engagement from the members of its congregation, a local church announced that the traditional weekly offering would be replaced with a 50/50 raffle.
babylonbee.com
Mamdani Vows To Root Out Semitism
NEW YORK, NY — As concerns continued to grow over rising tensions involving violence against the Jewish community, New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani held a press conference in which he vowed to root out semitism.
babylonbee.com
Terrorists Feeling Dumb For Ramming Twin Towers When All They Had To Do Was Run For Mayor
AFGHANISTAN — Members of the Al-Qaeda terrorist organization are reportedly kicking themselves for all of the work they did pulling off 9/11 when they could have just run for mayor of New York City.
babylonbee.com
Here’s A Complete List Of Every One Of Candace Owens' Theories That Proved To Be Correct
There are a lot of grifters and charlatans in the podcast world who are sadly willing to say any outlandish thing to make a buck - but on the other hand, there is Candace Owens. Owens' show is an oasis of logic and reason, where theories only go as far as the hard evidence leads. Want proof? Look at this incredible list of every single one of Owens' theories that ultimately proved to be 100% correct:
babylonbee.com
Mamdani Tries To Catch Netanyahu With Trap Labeled 'Free Bagels'
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Vowing to do everything in his power to execute the ICC arrest warrant for Israeli Prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu, Mayor Zohran Mamdani set fresh, free bagels outside the Capitol to lure Netanyahu into a clever trap.
babylonbee.com
'It'd Be So Easy To Hide A Body Out Here,' Says Wife On Road Trip To No One In Particular
RAWLINS, WY — While staring at millions of acres of desolate sagebrush, local woman Michelle Clemmens absent-mindedly remarked how easy it would be to dispose of a human corpse out there.
babylonbee.com
Science Pleads The 5th
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Science has declined to answer any questions to avoid incriminating itself for crimes it may have committed.
babylonbee.com
The Babylon Bee's Woman Of The Year Is Elliot Page
The Babylon Bee has selected Elliot Page as its annual Woman of the Year.
babylonbee.com
Church Trades Away Worship Leader For Youth Pastor And Usher To Be Named Later
KANSAS CITY, MO — With the annual deadline looming at the start of next week, a local church made a major move by trading away its worship leader for a new youth pastor and an usher to be named later.
babylonbee.com
Fauci Asks China To Engineer New Virus That Just Kills Rand Paul
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Sources close to Dr. Anthony Fauci reported that the former Chief Medical Director called his contacts in China this morning and asked if they could engineer a new virus that would just kill Senator Rand Paul.
babylonbee.com
Waymo Introduces New 'Islam Mode' That Sends Car To Mow Down Civilians
U.S. - Autonomous car giant Waymo introduced a new "Islam Mode" for passengers to select that will direct the car to mow down as many civilians as possible.
babylonbee.com
Meet Carl, The Last Remaining Person In Denver Who Isn't Homeless
DENVER, CO — A local man attracted a surprising amount of attention in recent weeks for being the last remaining person in Denver who isn't homeless.
babylonbee.com
8 Signs Your Car Might Have Been Radicalized
There are a lot of voices out there. Do you know which ones your car is listening to? If you're not careful, your own vehicle may fall under the spell of a dangerous and radical ideology.
babylonbee.com
Democrats Accuse Fauci’s Diary Of Attacking Science
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Democrats issued a forceful condemnation today of Dr. Anthony Fauci's diary for its vicious attacks against science.
babylonbee.com
