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ShareThe internet, edited by humans.
RSS feeds from sources worth following, filtered to cut the noise: sports, tech, culture, gaming, faith, family, and film. No outrage bait. No political machinery.
Your news feed is not neutral. It's built to make you angry, anxious, and addicted. The Scroll works differently. We pick the sources. We filter the noise. What's left is the handful of things actually worth your time.
25 years after 9/11, America still processing events normally
Nation marks quarter-century of war, conspiracies, remembrance and extremely normal behavior
duffelblog.com
News Station Adds Chick-Fil-A Drive Thru Wait Times To Traffic Report
LUBBOCK, TX — In an effort to better serve residents, one local news station added Chick-Fil-A drive-thru wait times to its morning traffic report.
babylonbee.com
Opinion: How I learned to stop worrying and love my low testosterone
By Gen. Thomas R. Keller
duffelblog.com
Disciples Shocked As Apostle Paul Returns From Prison Tattooed And Totally Ripped
PHILIPPI — According to sources, the disciples at Lydia's house were shocked to see that Paul had returned from prison covered in tattoos and "totally ripped".
babylonbee.com
God Promises To Spare Massachusetts If State Can Find 12 Competent Jurors
BOSTON, MA — A new report revealed that God promised to spare the state of Massachusetts if legal officials there can find at least 12 competent residents to serve as jury members.
babylonbee.com
Man Returns To Work From Long Weekend Refreshed And Ready To Give Mediocre Effort
ROME, GA — After a long holiday weekend, local man Kevin Simpson returned to his office at River City Bank this morning, refreshed and ready to give a mediocre effort.
babylonbee.com
Women Honor Gloria Steinem By Leaving Kids At Daycare And Working 9 Hours At Jobs They Hate
U.S. — Women across America honored the passing of feminist icon Gloria Steinem by dropping their kids off at daycare and heading to work for 9 hours at jobs they all claim to hate.
babylonbee.com
California Teen Flunks Driver's License Test For Fully Stopping At Stop Sign
SACRAMENTO, CA — A local 16-year-old saw her dreams crushed Thursday after bringing her vehicle to a complete, zero-mile-per-hour stop at a stop sign, a move that instantly disqualified her from receiving her license.
babylonbee.com
Nation’s Murderers Excited To Learn Killing Legal If You Say You Were Sad
U.S. — Millions of murderers across the country expressed overwhelming optimism today following reports that killing someone is effectively legal, provided the perpetrator informs authorities they were sad.
babylonbee.com
West Point removes ‘honor’ from ‘duty, honor, country’ ethos
Academy says concept increasingly conflicts with commander in chief’s guidance
duffelblog.com
Breakthrough As Scientists At University Of Michigan Develop Ability To Time Travel By One Second
ANN ARBOR — In one of the most remarkable technological breakthroughs of the past millennium, scientists at the University of Michigan have successfully traveled backwards in time by one second.
babylonbee.com
Controversy In Michigan Tarnishes NCAA’s Otherwise Perfect Reputation
ANN ARBOR, MI — A highly controversial ending at Michigan Stadium has unfortunately put a slight black eye on the NCAA's otherwise sterling reputation.
babylonbee.com
Breaking: Justice Still In The Hands Of God
U.S. — As news broke that the murder trial of Lindsay Clancy would end in a mistrial, Heaven released a statement reminding everyone that justice is still ultimately in the hands of God.
babylonbee.com
College Football Star Horrified He Might Be Drafted And Have To Take Huge Pay Cut
TUSCALOOSA, AL — After putting on a superb performance in the season opener, young college football star Davis Mack began worrying that he could wind up in the NFL Draft and be forced to take a massive pay cut.
babylonbee.com
Oh No! Peter Forgives Neighbor 73 Times, But Then Lost Count And Now He’s Got To Start Over
JUDEA — In adherence to the teachings of Jesus, Simon, who is called Peter, was committed to forgiving the neighbor who wronged him up to "seventy times seven" times. Unfortunately, after forgiving him 73 times, Peter reportedly lost count and had to start all over.
babylonbee.com
Hollywood Colorist Fired After Accidentally Leaving Color In Film
BURBANK, CA — Panic swept through Warner Bros. Studios on Tuesday after a senior colorist was terminated for accidentally allowing visible primary colors to remain in a major motion picture.
babylonbee.com
Bari Weiss Facing Credible Allegations Of Doing Journalism
NEW YORK, NY — Interviews conducted with employees of CBS News revealed that Editor-in-Chief Bari Weiss was facing internal backlash over allegations that she had attempted to commit actual journalism.
babylonbee.com
Mayor Mamdani Up All Night Practicing Sad Face For Upcoming 9/11 Observance
NEW YORK, NY — New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani was reportedly seen standing in front of his bathroom mirror practicing his "sad face" in preparation for his upcoming appearance at the 9/11 memorial.
babylonbee.com
Chicago Teacher Asks Students To Please Raise Their Hands Instead Of Firing Pistols Into The Air
CHICAGO, IL — A fifth-grade teacher at Lincoln Elementary reportedly admonished her classroom on Thursday, asking the kids to please raise their hands to be called on instead of firing pistols into the air.
babylonbee.com
State Of Massachusetts Declared Incompetent By Reason Of Insanity
U.S. — The State of Massachusetts has officially been ruled incompetent by reason of insanity.
babylonbee.com
